my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
