i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
