I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
