lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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