i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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