butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
