Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
