Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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