absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just googled if crying burns calories
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
