I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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