We're like a lot better than the average bears
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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