i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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