he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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