remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
