Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
