We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
