The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
