Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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