forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
