So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
