Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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