u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
