that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
