I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
