YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
