You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
love makes seman taste better
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
