sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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