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How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
