she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
