respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
