So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
