Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
