Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
