she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
