Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
