we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
