he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
