We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
