no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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