Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
