I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I didn't notice because vodka
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
