I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
