weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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