I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
