You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Randomize
