I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
