I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
