apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
