Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
