I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Do vagina's smell?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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